As extraordinary as everybody else...: June 2020

The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of Our Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time by Shasta Nelson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Video Review - The Business of Friendship by Shasta Nelson

I am not here to make friends - this is what we often hear at work . This book challenges this notion. And, the author believes that this philosophy of not having friends has caused a lot of damage to the employees at work places. They often feel lonely, left out and nowhere to go in the face of any difficulty in office.

Why do relationships matter at work ?
--Because you want to enjoy working with the people around you in the office.

--You want to trust the people around you to support you when needed.

--You want to feel valued.

--You want to come to office because you feel part of something bigger.

We may not want to be best friends with everyone. But, wouldn’t we want as many as possible good friends in our life ? but what stops people from making friends at the office ? What are their fears ?

Do they fear that -

--What if a manager delays firing of a person because he is his friend ?

--What if a manager hires someone who is his friend ?

--Two employees, who are Friends, competing for the same promotion ?

--What if I have to start supervising a friend of mine ?

--What if I hire a friend and he doesn’t perform well ?

--What if a friendship leads to a sexual harassment ?

These are the questions that people generally raise when it comes to friendship at work. But Aren’t these risks already there in the world ? What would you do if your boss is not a friend of someone but still favors him ? Are these issues really new ?

We could be against friendship at work and have no friends but that doesn't protect us from jealousy, gossip, drama or feeling left out.

More loneliness leads to less empathy to others and we take more offences then we become more defensive and then we are more likely to hurt others. We need connections with others to overcome loneliness just like what food would do for hunger and water would do for thirst.

How many of us feel that we have a meaningful relationship at work ?
Research shows that the more intimate and meaningful the relationship at work, the more easier you would find the work there. And, you are willing to take on any work.

Handling the stresses alone is not a good idea. If done, you feel more tired, and it causes more wear on your body.

Social isolation adds stress on our body and makes them more fertile for diseases.

Loneliness hurts one’s health badly. .

What are the core factors of happy life - number of friends, closeness of friends, closeness of family, relationships with coworkers and neighbors. Together these features explain about 70% of personal happiness.

People with friends at work are happier at work.

As per research, the single best predictor for well being is enjoying how you spend our days. and, the most important is with whom you are spending the day and not what you are doing. A most stressful and high - responsibility job can be rewarding if one feels supported, part of a team, engaged, believed in, cheered for, and appreciated.You want to enjoy your work more, make a few friends.

As per study by Gallup, We feel seven times more engaged if we have at least one best friend at work. As per another study, Without a best friend there are 37% chances that we often or always feel lonely at work.

Feeling connected to those with whom we work regularly shows up as the number one factor for our job satisfaction. If you want to like your job, feel better physically, increase your mental and emotional health, and report greater happiness and energy, then make a close friend at work.

Loneliness at work causes more mistakes , makes less productive and gets you sick every now and then. UK has a minister on loneliness , it is estimated that companies in UK lose around $3.5 billion due to lonely workers who are less productive, take more sick leaves, change job.The cost of disengaged employees is not cheap. Employees with friends have stronger immune systems, lower rates of anxiety and depression, recover fast from surgeries, and show up to work with more energy.

We can protect our bodies from absorbing stress , feel more hopeful, and strengthen our mental health through relationships.

It's one thing to simply assign a bunch of people to a project or task and quite another to have the confidence that they’ll maximize their collective strength, consider diverse ideas and take the risks to pursue big ideas.

In the past, jobs were about muscles, now they are about brains, but in the future they will be about the heart. What skills the workers most depend upon today- interpersonal skills, critical thinking, and good written and spoken communication skills. The skills that are required by employees to have good relationships at work are the same that are needed by the companies to have good relationships with their customers, vendors etc.

20 to 60 % of our population show up at work with loneliness.

If two people have many things or few things in common like having kids of the same age, same religion, same ethnicity it doesn’t ensure that they will be friends.

A healthy relationship should have three factors, everything that we name and want in our relationship fall under these three categories -
Positivity means positive feelings + Consistency means consistent interaction
Vulnerability means meaningful sharing

No one wants to be embarrassed, punished , or thought less of for sharing ideas, revealing needs or risking what would be perceived as failure.

Psychological safety is basically to groups what trust is to any two individuals.

This book is easy to read. it forced me to think about my office relationships. I was initially uncomfortable with the idea of having Close friends at my workplace. but now I realize that having a BEST friend in your team is the best thing that can happen to anyone at work.

The author shares many ground Rules to establish such a friendship.If we follow them then this whole process of having friends at work can be rewarding.

There are some more books on friendship, which can be further explored -

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Whatever Works: The Small Cues That Make a Surprising Difference in Our Success at Work—and How to Create a Happier Office by Thalma Lobel
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The book is about the small cues that make a significant difference to our success at work.
Another book by the Thalma Lobel is - Sensation.

How do self help books today look like ? Vast majority focus on one obvious and important subject and lay out its secrets and conclusions methodically. Most of these books harness obvious factors like harnessing motivation, getting organized, networking, and so on.

This book is a bit different. This book focuses on elements that either we think that they do not matter or we are not aware of. There are so many extremely valuable and interesting findings in psychology that should be made available to everyone, not just to professionals.

What does this book contain ?
What are the small - small things YOU can do to improve your life at OFFICE,

Did you know People focus better and be more creative with the ambient noise of a coffee shop ?

Did you know that the phone conversations, also called halfalogues , are the most distracting for co - workers ?

Did you know that the presence of a plant in one's physical space improves attention and recovery after performing a mentally fatiguing cognitive task ?

Did you know that nature is a reliable stress reducer/buster ?

Did you know that Women feel that they are more scrutinized, than men, for their appearance in an open office ?

Did you know that Light and brightness influence self control and self awareness ? it will motivate the employees to adopt the behaviors that impresses around them.

Did you know that darkness makes people feel disconnected and distant from others and increases the feeling that they can do what they want ?

There so many such information that the book talks about. this book is very interesting
and once you start you wouldn't want to put it down. it talks about our day to day life and how we can use latest research to our advantage and make everyone's life better around us.

I see that some of the things that she talks about offices is already implemented by some experts in my office. but I never knew why it was so ? It is good feeling that I know that now. I am going to put one live plant on my office desk now.

Also, Author's writing style is good, the way she has weaved the research info in the book is interesting.

Overall, I liked this book. I think that this book is highly informative and useful. I recommend this book - Read it ! Read it !! Read it !!!

5 stars

Video Review of the book

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